Spengler's Spirit Guide

Ghostbusting 101 Part II
Eye GhostsAs I explained in Part 1, paranormal entities are not a homogenous group. The world of ghosts is similar in many ways to that of humans. There are the good, the bad, and a large quantity of the just plain ugly. It takes a keen sense of judgment and a firm base of knowledge to assess a paranormal event and determine the appropriate course of action.

As you might have noticed, whenever we here at EGB Headquarters receive a report of a sighting, the first step we take is to estimate the "Class" or magnitude of the ghost(s) involved so that the EGB's may arrive on the scene armed with the appropriate equipment. Of course, when all we have to base our assumption on is the frantic account of a frightened eyewitness, classification can prove difficult. With a little practice and the listing below, however, you too can learn to translate "subjective description" into "objective ghostspeak."

GremlinThe following chart outlines the official Extreme Ghostbuster Classification System, developed through years of research and first-hand experience. It ranks ghosts on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being the least dangerous, 10 the most). Three subgroups indicate the general level of threat, though every apparition should be approached with the utmost caution as the spirits are prone to unpredictable behavior.

BENIGN
Class 1 Common Haunting "Bizarre, but not particularly threatening occurrence"
Class 2 Ghoulie "Small, harmless apparition"
Class 3 XL Ghoulie "Large, slow-moving apparition"
Class 4 Bogey "Mildly irritating, pranksterish apparition"
POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS
Class 5 Phantasm "Full-body, non-humanoid apparition"
Class 6 Repeating Phantasm "Multi-segmented (multiple heads, multiple arms, etc.), non-humanoid apparition"
Class 7 Corporeal Entity "Humanoid, aggressive specter"
MALIGNANT
Class 8 Free Roaming Vapor "Gaseous, viral umbra (very difficult to capture)"
Class 9 Full-Scale Poltergeist "Highly intelligent, multi-talented, violent wraith"
Class 10 Extreme Ghost "Very rare.. thankfully. Remember Sta-Puft???"

Dr. Egon Spengler


BACK TO THE CURRENT JOURNAL